To Become an Adult

You must be a child first.

They quote "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child ", doesn't particularly fit me. When I was a child, I spoke like an adult, I thought like an adult and I reasoned like an adult. I was treated as an adult-child. I wasn't allowed to attend dances, school games. I wasn't allowed to date. I wasn't allowed to hang out after school.

When I moved out on my own, I became a child. I partied like a crazy child who no one could control. I spent money, like there was an endless supply. I did not think about the future. I was a very responsible child, I could stretch every penny. As a young adult, I just wanted to be carefree.

It wasn't until later on in my adult life that I went back to my responsible self. And so, I'm convinced that in order to become an adult, you must first experience life as a child. You must eventually let go of the need to control everything. If it hasn't happened yet, I'm convinced it will later.

So Far, So Good

I made it through the kid's first week of school. The week after they started, I started and I survived that.

This is week 3 for them, week 2 for me and so far, we are all still alive.

Eric's had a rough beginning, but he's starting to catch on. He knows all his letters by sight and the sounds they make. We are starting sight words now.

Brianna knows all but 5 of her letters. She knows some of the sounds. She is loving preschool.

My SIL had her baby this past weekend and my nephew is just the cutest thing ever. It's been years since I've seen and held a newborn. *sniff*

My classes are going well. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to read Shakespeare in Lit class...but guess what we have to read? Hamlet. So I read it and survived it.

One thing is for sure, this was a much needed change in my life. I have been so much happier in school and with the kids in school. I'm finally getting time for me.

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1.02.28

A New Beginning

Eric started Kindy on Monday, and Brianna started full time preschool on Monday. This is my first time having both kids in full time school and I'm hoping it's the break I need. I start my classes next week, I'll have a Lit class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Algebra on Fridays. I also have a Religion class online.

I signed up for a Bootcamp class tomorrow at the YMCA. I normally don't participate in classes, but I am really bored with the same old work outs.

Also, tomorrow is the start of this:
http://daretoliveyou.com/mean-girl-cleanse/

Check it out and sign up if you want.

I also found out today, that I made straight A's :) I only took 3 classes, but I'm really proud of myself. I really thought I'd end up with a B or a C in the Math class. I did bad on a couple tests. So the A really came as a surprise. My English A was also a surprise because I just didn't feel confident in the papers that I wrote. I'm so glad I made it through the first semester of back to school, it gives me hope for the rest of the school year.

My Computer

It sucks. I'm currently trying to fix it. My lovely laptop...why have you forsaken me??? WHY? All I've ever done was love you, but you treat me like shit. You don't R-E-S-P-E-C-T me. Please, put forth a little more effort in our marriage. I do not want to divorce you. I don't want to use the desktop computer. I love you too much to cheat on you with another computer.

A Different Feeling

So, when I made this blog, I promised it wouldn't be a ranting blog for me. Ranting is sooo Myspace. I wanted this to be a Happy Blog, when I created it, I was happy. I was new to Jacksonville, ready to discover the territory, etc.

I haven't blogged in forever. And why? Because I'm not really happy.

And yet, I still feel the need to write. I tried my hand at writing fiction for a quick minute, but realized that it's not exactly what I want to write.

When I was young, I kept a journal. It probably started around age 8. I kept it up until....I don't remember. But I was an Adult. I probably stopped writing when I had a son.

Anyway, I've decided I will continue to blog as a journal. This is more for myself than for anyone else though. Just letting y'all know. Maybe one day, I'll make a new Happy Blog.

July 18th, 2010

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ---Albert Schweitzer

Thank you ;)

I Suck at Blogging

Apparently.

I keep saying I'll start blogging regularly again, but I don't. So I won't make any promises this time. A lot has been going on around here. Most of which, I'm not yet ready to blog about just yet.

I don't know about you, but when life is hard, I look for inspirational quotes to get me through. Here are two of my current favorite quotes:

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." --Harriet Beecher Stowe

AND

"The proper function of man is to live - not to exist." -- Jack London

Life lessons suck sometimes.

This Makes 2 for December

Hey, not bad, right?

So, what have we been up to? Hiking...well I guess I wouldn't call it hiking when you take two kids under age 5 with you. Brianna hates hiking, though she is starting to warm up to it.

I did hike up Kennesaw Mountain when I went to Georgia last month. Twice. The first time I took Shane & the kids and let's just say we made it about 1/2 way up and the pouting started not even 50 steps into it. WTH? The 2nd time, I went alone and it was fantastic.

Not sure what my obsession is with all this nature crap. I never cared for it before. Still no urge to sleep out there though.

Eric's in Pre-K and doing pretty good. Tomorrow is his last day before Winter break...boo...what will I do with two kids fighting all day? They can barely make it through the weekend!

Brianna will be 3 on the 23rd of this month.

That seems to be about it. We haven't been doing much.

Hi December!

Don't hate me when I say this...but it's effing cold here! Yes, I know it's 49 degrees, but that is too cold for me. I must move to Jamaica next.

I will try to start blogging again, one day....

What Happened to October?

I guess I had to take a break from blogging. No real reason. I guess I feel as though there isn't much to be said anymore.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...so here's a few thousand from our hiking trip this week (which was really really short, but well apparently hiking trails aren't popular here)









The weather is really nice here, I hope it stays this way. Not looking forward to any kind of cold weather at all.

Long Time No See

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I would say I've been really busy, I have, but it only takes a few minutes to blog so I really can't say that I've been too busy to blog. I just haven't had much to blog about, I guess.

Last Thursday was date night with the Husband. We went to the Jacksonville Jags Vs Washington Redskin's game, Shane is a huge Redskin's fan. We had a nice time, even though I'm not a sports fan.

Let's see, we also recently moved. We have a nice big bathroom now and a walk in closet in every bedroom. Also, instead of the kids having their own rooms, I put their beds in one room and made the other bedroom a toy room. So far, I really like it.

I also caught the flu and have had it for about 2 weeks. I think it's finally going away. Maybe it was a sinus infection or something. No clue. My kids got the sniffles and I got the sniffles after them. Well their sniffles went away after a few days without any other symptoms. Me? I got a sore throat and a freaking cough from hell. Nice. I'm still coughing up my lungs.

Oh, we got a new living room set, tv and bed set for the master bedroom. Yay. All at a really good price, too!

That is about all the updates I have for now.

My Baby Is Growing Up

Eric will be starting Pre-K in 2 weeks! I'm so ready for this. And I think he is, too. I am hoping his first day goes smoothly. Shane has already told work that he will be late that day because he wants to be there on Eric's first day of school and school doesn't start till NINE AM!!! It's only 3 hours long.

We have been busy busy busy since Shane came home and I like it! LOL. He has 24 hour duty every 3 days and has to work Monday-Friday, but when he is off work we are not home!

We bought a new bedroom set and new living room set and I'm so excited. We are moving Sept 1st and so we set up delivery for the 2nd. I hate moving but I love the apartments we are moving into, there will be a gym! Oh and the Master bathroom is great, there is a huge bathtub, lots of space and a walk in closet!

Well I think I heard the kid's bedroom door open, so I'm going to go and take these munchkins for a walk!

On a more positive note...

My Husband made it home the other day!

We were supposed to go visit my Grandfather but every thing seems to be broken around here. We spent 4 hours yesterday just sitting around waiting. Nice. Plus Shane was supposed to originally have Sunday off but the person that was taking his duty for him turned out not to have a qual that Shane has and they need HIM to stand the watch. So...yeah, we would have had to drive down on saturday and drive back up on saturday. 4 hours down, 4 hours up.

So, we are going to see about next weekend. My grandfather's condition keeps flip flopping. One da he is doing good and the next he isn't. Thank you guys for your kind words (either here on the blog or in person) it really means a lot to me.

On to the good stuff!!!

I only got my gifts from Pakistan so far, the other stuff is still on the ship. My house was a complete mess after he got in, there is just so much stuff, lol. I got my jewelry and I love it all! I will have to get a new memory card reader and then I will post a pic of my most favorite ring ever! It's a Black Diamond with smaller regular diamonds in the band. It's purrrrty.

The kids got some jewelry too! Brianna has a birthstone necklace and Eric got a chain with something...I don't know how to describe the symbol but it's cute! Shane came off the ship with roses in hand for me and one rose for Brianna, along with a stuffed bear for each of the kids. Brianna will not put hers down at all. Not even for a second. She eats with it, sleeps with it..lol.

Shane had to work today, I was worried that Brianna would flip. she does keep asking for him but she keeps saying "Daddy coming back?" and she seems to be okay. There are not enough hours in the days now. We still have a ton of things that need to be done. My Impala is in the shop, so we are using one vehicle.

Oh, yesterday while waiting around for things to be done, we went shopping a little, I found a NICE pair of jeans, they fit really good and I was just shocked to find a pair of jeans that fit in under 30 minutes. They are just plain Black denim, but the fit is nice.

I will have to take some pics of the gifts he bought, because I dont think I could describe them all. I haven't seen the stuff from London yet, maybe he will bring it home tomorrow morning, if he remembers (that is when he gets off).

But it's nice having him home. Busy, but nice. Now I must go and finish finding spots for every thing...I think we need a bigger house.

Not a Happy Blog

I think I spent about 30 minutes trying to figure out a title for a blog like this. Hell, I can't even figure out how to say what I want to say.

I've talked a bit about my Grandpa and his cancer before. He's been in the hospital about a week now. He's not doing good at all. It's hard to talk about and I can't seem to say what exactly I need to say.

I pictured Shane's homecoming to be happy & carefree. I expected him to walk off the ship and I ran into his arms and jumped up and down. Now all I feel like doing is running into his arms and having a break down. I hope I can keep myself together when he gets home. We were planning on "resting" when he came home, taking things easy, letting things fall in place. Instead, we will be leaving the city as soon as he gets home.

Every time my phone rings, I feel like someone is going to give me "the news" . I didn't expect every thing to go down hill so fast.

On top of that, while my Grandma was headed home from the hospital, someone hit her with their car. Her car is totalled and she went to the ER. I think my Aunt (who was with her) thought she had broke her leg. My nerves are shot today.

On the upside, I'm extremely grateful that every thing that could go wrong went wrong toward the END of deployment and not in the middle or beginning.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I SEE IT!!!!!

God, I'm so glad this deployment is almost over.

Jibberish

I've been really slackin on the bloggin thing lately. We are approaching the end of deployment and I'm a hair away from losing my effin mind. Still battling the creamer issue. Apparently the fridge locks do not hold up to Brianna's mastermind.

In other news, today I went out to check the mail and lo & behold guess what I seen sitting in my front yard? Well I should say front grass because I don't really have a yard. Anyway...wait for it..

SNAKE SKIN

As in, a snake had shed his skin on my grass? Oh my god. There are two things on Earth that terrify me and that is FIRE and SNAKES. Eww eww eww. Why did it have to be MY GRASS???

I need a vacation.

What Part of "No" is Hard to Understand?

I'm sure God himself would have pissed in my cornflakes this morning, if I even had any damned cornflakes to begin with.

So after wasting about $10 on coffee creamer in the past two weeks, I finally invested in a childproof cabinet/fridge lock. Only to find out they suck and I'm sure even a 10 month old child could figure that shit out. I hope Brianna doesn't. She's lactose intolerant and the one thing she wants when she opens the fridge is my coffee creamer. Tell me how she drinks the whole bottle every time? And the diapers afterwards? Yeah. Don't even think about it.

I always think of different punishments for when she does this and nothing works. I'll think it works and then a week later...BAM she hits me again. I mean seriously, she doesn't understand that Mommy needs her coffee?

Just a few more weeks and I swear I'm locking myself in the bathroom for a whole day and not coming out.

Whoops

For awhile I could not log in to blogger, it kept giving me some crazy message that I couldn't understand...something about clearing my cache, but when I read the directions on how to do it, the directions didn't make sense to me. Oh well...it's letting me back in now.

This deployment has introduced me to a whole new level of boredom. I'm so glad it's almost over...hopefully.

Oh, hey let me fill you guys in on every thing I have managed to break this past week:

My microwave has went crazy & beeps all day. I have to unplug it unless I'm using it.
My car which I posted about on the last blog entry. BTW, I have managed to narrow down the problems, it doesn't seem to be something too bad. That's good.
My digital camera (is there any other type of camera these days?) memory card reader. Yep. My kids were playing with the cord, I should have stopped them...anyway, the left it on the floor and I tripped over it while it was attached to my computer, and pulled the cord out of the reader and the little wire thingys inside broke. Nice.
Desktop monitor needs to be replaced...that broke too.
Oh and I broke a wine glass too. I know, not a big deal, but damn it, I hope I never have more than 3 people over drinking wine with me...we'll have to go all ghetto-fab on our company and drink wine out of styrofoam cups.

Ah. And things were going so well.

Give Me A Break

Because I could really use one right now.

So, I found out a couple weeks ago that my Grandpa's cancer has spread and his heart doctor said he can not go through with the surgery. They gave him 2 years. I know doctors aren't always right with these estimations but the news still hit me pretty hard. My Grandpa and my Grandma helped raise me my entire childhood. To be honest, while I am scared to lose my Grandpa, my concern is how will our family move on when it happens? There are a few people that I feel hold our family together, My Grandpa is one of them. He is a man of very few words, but when he talks everyone listens. I don't really know what else to say, it's hard to even think about.

Yesterday, my car decided it was time to finally take me to my breaking point. I admit, I have heard so many stories about how every thing goes wrong when your husbands leave for deployment and to be honest every thing has been good up until the news about my Grandpa, but thanks to my wonderful friends I got through that part.

I can't drive my car until it's fixed, I won't risk breaking down on the road with two young kids. Luckily my neighbors are cool and they know someone who has a code reader and knows a lot about cars, so he is going to come look at the car for me. And I'm also glad that I'm within walking distance of a grocery store, among several other places. If I had known my car was going to act like ass I would not have put gas in it...wtf. LOL. I still love my car though and I'm hoping it's nothing major. I bet my car is mad because it hasn't been waxed in 4 months...the longest it has ever been is a week before deployment. Sad, huh? Shane told me don't bother doing it...I think he just didn't want any men staring at me while I was doing it, but whatever, I haven't done it, lol.

Anyway, I'm still surviving. A lot of life changes coming soon and it's going to be a really hard adjustment for everyone but hopefully it will bring out the best in all of us.

Summer Jams

Ahh, Summer.

The best thing about summer is the music. Not sure why music is so different in the Summer than in the Winter. Winter music SUCKS!

So...in honor of Summer, here is my playlist...or at least a partial list:

Kid Rock-Just ANYTHING by this man screams Summer Time
I'm Still in Love With You- Sasha & Sean Paul
Strawberry Wine-Deanna Carter
Summer Time- Will Smith (Or Fresh Prince...lol)
Hot in Here-Nelly....you know what? Anything Nelly, cause he's hot.
Get It Shawty-Lloyd
Cryin'-Aerosmith (Do you have to ask why?)
No Letting Go-Wayne Wonder
Hella Good-No Doubt

And let's just say anything Reggae is on that list, Sean Paul, Beenie Man, Bob Marley, Sasha, etc. Turn the Heat up!

Some like it hot...some like it hotter ;)

What's on your list?