Saturday, May 7, 2011
Shane is deployed again. But hey, he bought me a Kindle AND an iPad....I've already received the Kindle and love it. The iPad is in the mail. I'm now an official electronics junkie and it's likely that I'll never be without facebook again.
I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow, though. I mean, it's that time of the year when my own Mother is supposed to be "celebrated"...yeah, she gave me life, blah blah. Gah. Why did she have to be MY mother? Then again, maybe it's a good thing, because I know I can handle it. It's better that someone else didn't have to have her as their Mother.
So, what am I doing tomorrow? Probably grocery shopping.
And after that, I plan to read on my kindle, or my new laptop (it's Pink! I got it a few months ago). And I plan to eat chocolate.
I hope you guys have a great Mother's Day!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Ya know, at one point in my life, I forgave her for everything she did to me growing up. I let it all go. I moved past it. She never even had to ask my forgiveness. She never admitted she did anything wrong.
But she lives in denial. She's a psychopath. And the people around her don't even realize it. I'm not even saying psychopath to be mean. She's mentally ill. She has people fooled and when they find out who she is, she'll uproot herself again and she'll move to where no one knows her and she'll play the game from the beginning.
She'll come up with excuses for disappearing out of people's lives. They're all lies.
People say hate is a strong word. Well, it's a strong feeling, like love.
I used to say that I rarely think about my Mom. I don't let it bother me. She didn't matter. It didn't matter if she was there or not. Because at the time, it didn't. And so, I couldn't hate her.
But then she waltzes back in, says she'll be there. Says she cares. And then tries to turn me on my own family that raised me.
The thing about the word hate...if you hate someone, it means that person controls you. If you can waste time hating someone, you have a strong feeling...which means you feel SOMETHING toward that person. And to that person, something is better than nothing.
I used to feel nothing. And now I hate her. I wish I could go back to feeling nothing. I hate that I waste time hating her. I hate that she has this control over me, when she never had control over me before. I miss being numb.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I have been studying my Algebra, which is what I should be studying anyway. However, I've been avoiding my Religion homework as well.
This blog entry? It's procrastination.
I hate finals week. Blah.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The past is already past.
Don't try to regain it.
The present does not stay.
Don't try to touch it.
From moment to moment.
The future has not come;
Don't think about it
Whatever comes to the eye,
Leave it be.
There are no commandments
To be kept;
There's no filth to be cleansed.
With empty mind really
Penetrated, the dharmas
Have no life.
When you can be like this,
The ultimate attainment.
Layman P'ang (740-808)